Sammy's Hen House

Dog's Letters to God

TO: GOD
From: The Dog

                    Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom,
if ever, smell one another?

                  Dear God:  When we get to heaven, can we sit on your
couch? Or is it still the same old story?

                Dear God:  Why are there cars named after the jaguar,
the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
named for a dog? How often  do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a
nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename
the 'Chrysler Eagle' the ' Chrysler Beagle'?

The Moped

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?'

The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!'
 
'That's a lot of money,' says the old man. 'Why does it cost so much?'

'Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!' states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside?'
 
'No problem,' replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, 'That's a pretty nice car, all right...
But I'll stick with my Moped!' 

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.

The Dog Food Diet

Too Hilarious not to Share!!!

Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
loyal pet Angel the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman
behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't
because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out
of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was
essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load
your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every
time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well and I was going to try it again (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS

(This was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their
holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

Still down?? This one should fix it right up!!

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage
on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender'
stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was
blown to bits.

Come on, cheer up already! Keep reading...

Two animal rights defenders were protesting
the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse
in Bonn , Germany . Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
broke loose and escaped through a broken fence,
stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

Still need a cheer?? Keep reading...

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen
shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy,
with some kind of wire running from his waist towards
the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from
the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy
plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening
to his Walkman.

Still feeling bad?? Read on again......

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the
Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.
At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were being released back into the wild
amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

If you are feeling bad, check this out....

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died
in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 am ,
regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve
the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 am
Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to
investigate the cause of the incidents.

Lab Jars